it can only be better

I feel like crying.I'm trying to keep my mind busy all the time but I feel everything is falling apart

I miss my grandmother. until this moment it's still hard to believe that she's gone
and my brother I haven't seen for more than a month.. I miss him a lot. today he's turning 20.. he's a big guy now.. and I cant even call him to wish him a happy birthday
my work is not going well, I break down under pressure, and even the easiest tasks seem very stressful right now. I can't sleep. I stay awake all night for no reason... there's so much mess and I can't seem to take control of my life. I don't feel like working or doing anything. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I have faith that all of this is going to an end soon . I just should be more patient.. what can I say.. if it can't get any worse then it can only be better.. Rest in peace granny and Happy Birthday to u bro